Meet Your Goals in 5 Minutes

Warning: this article is not for the faint of heart.  I’m about to show you an easy way to make real progress on serious life goals.  It wont take long, but it contains some truly radical ideas.  Buckle up.

Everyone has goals, and if you are like I was (in the past, before i became an internet celebrity) you have a list of things you want to get done, but just haven’t been able to.  Good news: today is the day we take care of that list.  My plan is pretty simple, and easy enough that anyone can do it.  It involves no meditation, visualization, self analysis, or anything that a mid life SUV driving American would find challenging.

The Plan

There are four easy steps to my plan.  It is very important that you follow them in order and don’t read ahead.  

Step 1: Think of three stubborn goals you’ve had clinging to the back of your mind for weeks, or longer.  These are the strongest, most nagging, highest hope big time goals that you JUST KNOW will improve your life.  These are not things you HAVE to do (like buying groceries or going to the doctor), but things you want to do, like eating healthy or exercising more.  

Step 2: Write your goals down on a large piece of paper.  It has to be big enough to see from a few feet away.  Hang the piece of paper on the wall in a place that you will often see it.  It can be by your desk, where you meditate (you do meditate, right?), or even by your bed.

Step 3: Sit or stand in front of your list of goals.  Breath deeply and clear your mind.  Accept the fact that you are a failure, and that these goals, like most other things in your life, will never be finished.  You were never going to try, and if you did find some way to get your ass off the couch, it would have been a half hearted attempt ending in an even worse, possibly embarrassing, failure.  For you fatty, trying is even worse than doing nothing.

Step 4:  Take a big red or black indelible pen and draw lines through all three goals on the paper.  Leave the paper hanging up so you, and others, can realize what a miserable failure you are.

Congratulations!  You have just accomplished three important goals.  You are one very tiny step closer to becoming an internet celebrity like myself.

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