Health Hacks: Protein on the Go

I’ve discovered a cheap, convenient, and downright tasty way to get protein on the go.  The best part?  No need for hours of preparation or chalky bars, this is the real deal.  Read on.

If you’re a Crossfit fanatic like me you need a lot of protein.  Fast food is a great option for protein while out and about, but it can still be hard to get that meat when you need it.  You can try carrying bacon or chicken breast along with you at all times, but who has access to a fridge all day long?  The answer is much simpler.

Friskies.  Science Diet.  Purina One.  Cat food is loaded with protein, and keeps for months at room temperature.  Once you get past the unfair stigma propagated by the media you will realize it tastes great.  You can put it on sandwiches, add it to smoothies, or even eat it raw.  

The idea that pet food is lower quality is a myth.  Would we feed dangerous food to the animals we love so much?  Do our pets ever get sick from their food?  The whole notion of unsafe pet food is a long con by the meat industry to keep us buying “premium” cuts.  People still worried can buy cat food that uses “human grade” meat, but it will cost you more.

Some people say there is horse meat cat food, to which I say great.  Have you ever seen a horse?  Those things are super strong and fast.  A horse can run a mile in under 3 minutes, and probably bench press way more than 1000 pounds.  In contrast, a chicken is a euphemism for a weak, small animal.  Which would you rather eat?

Getting Started

First find a brand.  If you have a cat, sample what you have lying around, and see if it’s tasty.  If it doesn’t taste good straight out of the can play around with it a little.  Try warming it up first, then put it on bread and add ketchup and mustard.  Instead of chili on your hot dog, try Beef Feast in Gravy.  Instead of almonds on your salad, try a few Turkey & Cheese Nuggets.  

Deciding on dry vs wet food is a matter of preference.  Wet food is easier to spread on bread, and tastes a little more fresh in my opinion.  Dry food is less messy, and easier to eat on the go (I like to add it to my trail mix).  It all depends on your favorite flavors.

If you don’t like the brand your cat does (this is surprisingly common), head over to the nearest pet store, and bring your appetite.  Buy one can at a time, then take it out to the parking lot for an informal tasting.  

As you hold the open can to your nose, slowly blow air over the lukewarm meat patty to savor the aroma.  Tickle the gravy with your tongue to uncover subtle flavors.  When you dig in, take small teasing nibbles at first and chew slowly.  Move the meat product back and forth in your mouth, really suck on the particles to get all the flavor out.  Finally, when the nuances have been picked apart, tilt your head and dump the rest into your gaping mouth.

It is important to finish each can so that you can see how your stomach handles the new menu.  You might find, like I did, that the tastiest flavor causes a steady trickle of flatulence, reminiscent of a gangrenous horse rotting in a pile of compost.  I still bought several cans worth, but only eat it when the smell  wont be noticed, like when we are picnicking near a feedlot effluence pond, or having lunch on the factory floor of a rendering plant.

Sampling ten or so cans should be enough to help you find a flavor you like.  Wait until the meaty burps subside, then head in and buy as much as you can carry.  On your way out of the store, don’t forget dessert!  Cat treats are cheap, healthy, and most importantly, delicious!  Try putting them on ice cream, or baking them into cookies.

Grandma Wickers Old Fashioned Chocolate Chip Cookies

This one was passed down to me from my great grandmother.

1 package of chocolate chip cookie dough
1/2 cup of sugar
2 cups of chicken and liver cat treats

Directions: Mix cat treats and sugar into the cookie dough, bake for 30 minutes, enjoy!

Savory Seafood Sub

1x can of tuna
1x can of Friskies seafood medley
1x tomato
½ cup mayo
Cocktail sauce

Directions: After toasting the bun spread tuna on one half and the Friskies on the other.  Add lettuce, tomato, mayo, and cocktail sauce evenly to both half, then combine.  Enjoy!

Julian’s “Purrfect” Trail Mix

1 cup lightly salted peanuts
1 cup California golden raisins
½ cup M&M’s
1 cup Friskies Chicken n’ Liver Nuggets

Directions: Mix all together and store in a cool dry place – eat when hungry!  For extra flavor, add ¼ cup Whiskas Chicken & Cheddar treats.

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