I scoured the internet to find the best motivational quotes in the universe. Unfortunately most weren’t good enough, so I had to write a few. Share these inspirational images with anyone going through a rough patch, or save them for a rainy day.
I believe there is one fundamental principle, one defining personal trait, that determines success above all others. Hatred. The power of hate is what drives all great men. George Washington hated monarchy, Gandhi hated India’s colonial rulers, Churchill hated the Nazis, and I hate clutter (and Nazis).
Forget ambition, willpower, love, or gravity; hatred is the most powerful force in the universe. A deep disdain for darkness is what causes the sun to rise each day. Birds sing because of their loathing for silence. Even cats are powered by vitriol; the only reason they look so damn cute is because they abhor ugliness.
The moon landing is one of the greatest examples of this principle in action. It wasn’t science, determination, or an inflated patriotic sense of duty that drove us 10 million miles to the moon. It was a pure and utter hatred for communism. Why haven’t we been back to the moon since? Simple, the communists are gone, and thus, so is our driving force.
My Own Journey
These days I’m consumed by a limitless rancor towards everything from kittens to dinette sets, but I wasn’t always so enlightened. As a young man of six years I was blissfully unaware of the dangers posed by materialism. It all changed when my brother turned five.
For his 5th birthday my younger brother received all manner of glitzy toys – an action figure, a deck of cards, and a pair of socks. As he played with them I realized that his mind had been taken over by these possessions. He was totally unconcerned with truly valuable pursuits like contemplation and introspection.
Incensed by the wanton celebration of objects I began to slowly destroy all of the toys that gave him false happiness. The action figure got mangled in the garbage disposal, the cards flushed, and the socks went up in flames. He was heartbroken of course, but it was actually a step towards true happiness.
Many might think that it was an undying love for my brother that led me on this campaign of selfless destruction. Yes, I certainly loved him, but love is a byproduct of hate. In this case, it arose from my hatred of seeing him suffer at the hands of his possessions.
Even though my brothers days of existential suffering were ending, my own suffering had just begun. When my parents pieced everything together my butt became the first martyr for the nascent minimalist movement. I took it in stride of course, and resolved to be more helpful to everyone I knew by destroying the possessions that enslaved them.
Since then that budding flame has grown into a great inferno. I’m consumed by a hatred for materialism, clutter, fast food, and the damn GPS app that interrupts my music every ten seconds, even though I know where I am. This hatred is what drives my love of helping people, through philanthropic destruction and relentless mocking.
How to Cultivate Hatred In Your Life
To do great things you must cultivate hate in your own life. The environmentalist might focus on his hatred of polluters, or the cook might focus on his hatred of burned meat. This will get you part of the way, but to truly kindle a driving passion you need to sow anger into all aspects of your life.
Growl in the morning
Its pretty simple. Wake up, and growl. If it helps you can think about something that makes you angry, but it’s not important. The key is to get your physical body to express anger, your mind will follow.
This exercise helps jump start your day with a small dose of rage, which is perfect for productivity. Feel free to get carried away. Use the full range of vocal and facial expressions. My wife often says I sound like a starving pit bull with a sinus infection fighting a vacuum. Sometimes she even gets hit by spittle, which means it’s going to be a good day.
Glare Angrily at Little Children
At the grocery store, at weddings, anytime a kid is staring at you show your angry gargoyle face. Focus on making your expression as mean and horrific as possible. Lots of teeth, angry eyes, and twisted fingers. You might consider practicing in the mirror, or even on your own kids.
Keep a Fault List
Create a list of everyone you know and use it to document all of their shortcomings. Include everything you can think of that makes you angry. It can even be trivial things, like if an outfit that didn’t match, or the one time they used the dessert fork during the main course.
Update the list often and read it everyday. Use it to grow and maintain the hatred you have for each person on the list. I keep my wife and kids near the top of the list, since those are the entries I have to update the most. Especially my son Timmy, what a little brat.
Listen to Angry Music
If you truly want to be angry you need to assault your ears with anger throughout the day. I play loud angry music in the car, at work, and at home. As far as options go I recommend the following genres:
- “Sounds of Immolation” (traditional Buddhist chanting, only the monks have lit themselves on fire)
- “Slaughterhouse Metal”, (recordings from a factory farm slaughterhouse with David Attenborough narrating each death)
- “Mouse-core” (amplified sounds of live mice being eaten by a snake, with classical music in the background)
Make a List of Things You Don’t Hate
Counter-intuitive, yes, but keep it small and very detailed. This lets people know that you hate most things. My list is below.
Things Julian Doesn’t Hate
(Note how small the list is)
- Seeing a little kid in a grocery store throwing a huge tantrum because he wants a treat.
- Smashing a big screen TV with an axe.
- Buying a nice water bottle, using it once, then throwing it away.
- Burning throw pillows that are embroidered with stupid phrases like “Live, Laugh, Love”.
- Throwing recyclables into the trash, especially when the recycling can is right next to it.
Materialism is a disease that afflicts almost everyone in our modern society. My father hoarded rare coins, calling it his “coin collection”. My mother hoarded old family photos, and owned enough to fill several binders. I will show you how to recognize the sickness, and how to cure it (hint: fire).
Television has taught us that hoarders are shut ins who live in houses filled floor to ceiling with trash. Accumulation on this scale is rare, and happens only in the most extreme cases. Most people who worship their possessions have much smaller hoards, and often don’t even know they suffer from an insidious disease.
I cured my parents by treating them to a day at a luxury spa, which turned into weeks and months, because it was actually a nursing home. Unfortunately, this strategy will not work for all hoarders.
The best way to treat cases of rampant materialism is through a process I call a “stealth intervention”. This is easier than a typical intervention because you don’t necessarily have to confront them, just sneak into their house and destroy their hoard.
Someone you Know and Love
The hoarder in your life might surprise you. It is probably somebody who seems like an upstanding citizen, someone with a happy family who volunteers on the weekends. Then you discover their hoard: a shelf full of DVD’s, and you realize the depths of their depravity.
Your cousin, the volunteer firefighter who saved a baby last weekend, might seem like a community hero. That is, until you visit his house and discover his “collection” of holiday themed snow globes. A true monster. If you find yourself in this situation, calmly find your kids and exit the house as quickly as possible before alerting the authorities.
Tip: Some people hoard plants. Often these sick individuals will claim to be “gardening” or “farming”, but we know what it really is: materialism gone berserk.
Even I have had to deal with hoarders in my life. One weekend when I was helping my parents clean the house I discovered that my father, a role model in many respects, had been hoarding coins. He insisted that this “coin collection” was a “hobby” that he had continued since childhood, and that the “collection” was full of rare and valuable coins. It was so sad.
My mother was not immune to the disease. One day while simultaneously house sitting and getting rid of their junk, I discovered that my mother had been hoarding old family photos. She had almost seven binders full of photographs, many of which were of me. They took up almost two full boxes in the closet. I did the humane thing – burned them – and left a post it note instructing her to use a digital camera next time.
Holding An Intervention
The key to helping the sick person in your life is to hold an intervention. You might be imagining a room full of their closest friends and family, with flickering candles and soft music playing in the background. This traditional approach works with less insidious diseases, like drug addiction, but not with materialism. Hoarding is a problem of excess, so it is usually best to take the more Minimalist approach.
Instead of spending tedious hours scheduling friends and family for a traditional intervention, the true Minimalist takes the more direct route: destruction. By secretly getting rid of their hoard, or alternatively burning it front of their eyes, you teach the afflicted that they are no longer bound to the chains of materialism. This opens a new door in life for them.
For the methods of destruction, dig into the Minimalist tool chest. Fire is usually the most effective means, but it depends on the problem. One former friend of mine hoarded flat screen televisions. Even though there were only three it would have been a lot of work to haul them outside and burn them, so I used an axe instead. For someone who hoards cars, a sledgehammer might be a more appropriate tool.
The best time to hold the intervention is when the hoarder is gone. It might seem more healthy to confront the person directly, but this can often backfire. They have an unnatural attachment to their objects, and will often refuse to get rid of them. I made the mistake of asking my father about his “coin collection” instead of whisking it outside into the dumpster. He hid it under the bed, and it took me several days to find and dispose of it.
Tip: If you patient hordes guns you might reconsider a “stealth” intervention.
One of the most successful interventions I had was for my wife. One day while snooping through her backpack I noticed that she was hoarding medical textbooks and academic journals. When I surreptitiously asked later on she claimed they were for “medical school”, but I saw right through her excuse. It was clear that she had a problem. I waited for her to go to “class” before gathering all the materials I could find and burning them out back.
The reaction of the hoarder is usually shock, as they are unaware they have a problem. In the case of my wife, she was confused, but I was open and honest with her. I explained that we had been robbed by a desperate med student, and that since the culprit took all of her books, he was probably in her class.
It can be hard to follow the One True Path of Minimalism. Advertising and corporate greed have become so pervasive that even our friends and family have been brainwashed. You may think that your loved ones are monstrous for owning more than one of anything, and they are, but deep down they are good people who don’t know better.
Your family might be so committed to the materialism delusion that they unfairly label you as a “zealot” or “fanatic”. Instead of being angry, show them how calm and rational you are by manifesting your rage on their junk, while they are gone, with an axe.
A wise man once said “if you love somebody, let them go, for if they return, they were always yours.” It’s a touching sentiment, but I think we can tweak it to fit the Minimalist mindset. The more pragmatic version elegantly reads as follows:
“If you love somebody and they are a hoarder, sneak into their house while they are gone and burn their junk. In time they will be grateful and bake you gluten free cookies. Namaste.”
Death is a tough subject for parents. Your kids want to know why Grandma suddenly collapsed, and you have to figure out what to do with the corpse in your living room. Good news: I can help you deal with both.
Tibetans dispose of bodies through an ancient practice known as Sky Burial. The body is left outside, often on a mountaintop, for scavenging animals to eat and dismember. By performing a Sky Burial in your own backyard you can teach your kids a vivid lesson about death and dispose of grandma in an environmentally friendly way.
This practice may sound gruesome, but it can also be educational. Your children will not only learn the true meaning of death, but also receive lessons on human anatomy, decomposition, and the function of scavengers in the natural ecosystem. As a bonus, they will be desensitized to most horror movies.
Prepare the body by stripping it naked and dragging it to an open spot in your backyard. It needs to be visible from the house and easily accessible by predators. Your children should be able to see it through their bedroom window, ideally while laying in bed.
To make the body more palatable to scavengers you might preemptively break up the corpse into manageable chunks. Use an axe or saw to chop off the legs, arms, and head. It might be tempting to try and use a hammer, but this will leave you with a pulpy mess. Grandma needs to be recognizable to get the educational benefit.
Tip: Can’t stand the smell? Don’t worry – death is natural, and so is decay. Bring a chunk of the rotting flesh into the house so that the whole family can acclimate to the odor.
Learning About Death
Bring your children outside each day to study the body as it decomposes. The first several days should be devoted to explaining the nature of death. Don’t sugarcoat the message. Explain clearly that death is the end, and that Grandma isn’t coming back, except as a zombie if they don’t do their homework.
Be prepared for tough questions, like “is Grandma in heaven?” or “why is spot chewing on Grandma’s leg?” You as a parent must do the honorable thing and be brutally honest. In fact, it would be more efficient if, after answering the questions (“no”, and “because he’s hungry”), you explain other uncomfortable facts of life. Let them know that Santa is a myth, and that Fido didn’t really go to a farm -he’s probably buried under a ton of trash at the dump.
Tip: If your dog or cat starts gnawing on the body – let them! It’s perfectly natural, and you can save money on pet food. Grandma always spoiled fluffy anyway.
There is no experience greater than waking up early to witness the first rays of sunlight break through the leaves and illuminate the morning dew. This is the perfect time to sit your children down in front of a rotting corpse and explain the virtues of minimalism.
Let them know that Grandma died because she had too many possessions. The media has invented many fictional diseases, but in the end there is only one thing that kills us all: cancer of the soul, caused by rampant materialism and the rejection of simplicity. Calmly explain that their toys are killing them, and will lead to a gruesome death. Follow that up by asking what they want for Christmas.
Death can be an unsettling topic. If your kids get too anxious during the process, try this: put some candy in the corpse’s hands one morning and tell them that Grandma brought them treats. This could bring up tricky questions about the afterlife, but they are easily explained by saying that the body walks around at night while they should be asleep. Drag the skeleton to their window late at night and tap the glass with a bony finger to reinforce this idea.
A Lesson in Human Anatomy
As they become visible through decay, highlight each major organ and explain the function. The key to engagement is a lighthearted, playful, approach. Toss around the stomach for a game of “hot potato”, explaining how digested potatoes go through the stomach. Brain matter is more malleable than other organs, and is perfect for forming little “brain balls” to juggle with.
My favorite demonstration is to unwind the intestines into a single long strand. Not entirely, as the human body has over 100 miles of intestine, but enough so that they can comprehend the length. I then hook up a garden hose to one end and turn the water on full blast for a demonstration of waste processing. Whether or not to include an extra knot tying lesson is up to you.
Tip: This is a perfect activity for your son or daughters scout troop! Have an exercise on wilderness survival, focused on surviving starvation through any means necessary.
An explanation of the liver’s functions is the perfect time for your child to have his or her first drink. As they sip rotgut gin, demonstrate alcohol’s effect by beating the extracted liver into a bloody pulp with a hammer. Hopefully the shocking metaphor and low quality booze will deter them from drinking for a long time.
As scavengers take their toll the body will become ragged and threadbare, probably even unrecognizable. It might be tempting to toss the remains over the fence, or slip it into a neighbor’s trash can, but you would be missing a golden learning opportunity.
Show your children the maggots that infest the corpse and make them understand that one day, possibly soon, they too will have a thousand wriggling insects eating their putrid flesh. If they start to cry, comfort them by explaining how scavengers, even small ones, are an important part of the cycle of life. Point out that even a lowly maggot will one day grow into a beautiful fly.
When the corpse has given all it can in terms of lesson material, and the pets have had their fill, it is time to dispose of the remains. With the kids watching, douse the pile of bones with gasoline and light it on fire. If you don’t have any propellant on hand, stuff the corpse into your barbecue and turn the knob to “extra crispy”.
Burning the body is a perfect opportunity to end the lesson on a festive note. Cook hot dogs over the burning pile of flesh, then roast marshmallows over the embers to make s’mores. With the lights low and stars shining overhead, explain one final universal truth in a solemn voice: The dead never die, their essence is transferred to us through junk food cooked over their burning remains.