K2, nicknamed “The Savage Mountain”, is the second tallest mountain in the world. Despite being shorter than Mt. Everest, it is vastly more dangerous to climb. On average, for every four people who summit K2, one perishes. That makes it the perfect place to hold your wedding!
1. Easy Invite List
Couples spend a lot of time laboring over their invite list, carefully selecting each person and often making hard decisions about who to exclude. With K2 it’s easy: invite everyone you know! The climb is so unforgiving that even if you invite a thousand people, only a few will make the summit, and many more will perish along the way.
2. Affordable Venue
Finding an affordable wedding venue is hard. The wedding industrial complex has spread its tendrils everywhere, and as soon as you say the word “wedding” the price of anything triples. Luckily K2 doesn’t have that problem. Its rugged terrain is so unforgiving that nobody has thought to have a wedding there before. If you mention you are getting married to the public official who issues your climbing pass he will probably only laugh at you.
3. The Date
Choosing a wedding date is another flash point for couples. Working in all of the various family engagements means that even your own preferences often go out the window. Once again K2 solves this problem with ease. Because the climb is so long, and the window for good weather so narrow, there are only a few summer months when you can climb. In fact, it’s never even been climbed in the winter.
4. No Dress Needed
With a K2 wedding you don’t need a dress. If you wear a dress to the summit of K2, where temperatures regularly reach -50 below in the summer, you will die. In fact, you will probably die even with the right clothing. Theoretically you could wear a dress under your half dozen parkas, but nobody will notice. Due to the limited oxygen and sub zero temperatures, your guests will be struggling to remember their own names.
5. The Ceremony
Should it be long? Short? An officiant? A rabbi? When planning a wedding the specifics of the ceremony can bring out some of the worst differences between a couple, especially religious ones. On the summit of K2 you don’t need to worry about the length of the ceremony because you have only a few minutes. Dangerous weather can set in at any moment, so if you are lucky enough to reach the summit you want to head down quick. You still might want to bring a priest for all the casualties the expedition is bound to experience.
6. Hassle Free Reception
Planning a reception can be a maze of possibilities. You have to decide on food, music, venue, and more. On K2 you have none of those worries. The only option for a reception is at Camp IV at 25000 feet. Due to the effects of altitude, one bottle of champagne will be enough to get everyone smashed. In fact, many in your party might already be dazed and confused from hypoxia. Loud music is also out, since it could trigger an avalanche. That, and nobody will want to dance anyway after a 20 hour summit push.
7. One Item Gift Registry
Forget Bed Bath & Beyond or Target, there will be only one item on your gift registry: bottled oxygen, and lots of it. The air is so thin near the summit of K2 that most people get delusional and confused without supplemental oxygen. There have been documented cases of hypoxic climbers walking off cliffs, or going the wrong way down a mountain. Your one item registry will be a breath of fresh air, literally.
8. No Makeup or Nail Styling
On K2 black is in style, blackened toes and fingers that is. Most of the wedding party will probably have serious frostbite by the time they make it to the summit, meaning that there is no need for complicated and expensive nail painting before the ceremony. In fact, you will be so bundled up that the only person who sees the bride’s nails is the doctor, when he has to amputate a toe.
9. Simple Honeymoon
After braving the savage conditions on top of K2, you won’t need to spend extra money on a honeymoon. That’s because your house, with its soft beds and normal levels of oxygen, will seem like paradise in comparison! Just being able to walk to the bathroom without tripping over the frozen corpse of your great aunt will seem like a small miracle.
10. Free Videography
When you inform major news organizations that you will be bringing a group of inexperienced hikers up the slopes of the world’s most dangerous mountain, they will be paying you for coverage! In the very likely event of a serious accident or catastrophic loss of life you could also end up with a book about your wedding, and maybe even a movie!